Good or Bad, Relationships are Always an Adventure.

As someone who needs independence and freedom seemingly more than most people, relationships are difficult for me. When a relationship ends for me, I have a sense of freedom that is palpable. I feel like I can breathe again. I have not yet figured out if it is because I just have no found the right relationship for me or if I somehow allow myself and my freedom to be lost in the thick web of emotions in the relationship.

My attention was brought to a local musician named Farideh (said “fair-aday”) from a poster at the community radio station where I am a volunteer DJ. I played a couple of her songs on the air and thought that I’d like to check out the new album before the show this weekend. So I accumulated a slightly illegal version until I can buy it at the concert and have been listening to it non-stop. It’s a bit rough around the edges, but the lyrics are amazing. One song about a relationship being a prison was especially moving for me. I like it so much that I even transcribed it as much as I could understand.

The start of the song really piqued my interest with:
“In the prison of our love
I did my time for you
and I made that block a home…”
My stomach did a flip-flop the first time I heard it. I knew instantly that this song spoke to me. Sometimes I have to acknowledge that sometimes situations arise that seem just too fitting to be a coincidence. Truly, I think that this song was sent to me to help me get through this emotionally difficult time of a break-up.

I feel empowered from hearing the chorus of:
“but I’m not a captive, I’m a guard
and I stand equal to you in this yard
with my fist full of keys
I set myself free from your heart”
The fast-paced acoustic guitar and the Indiana Jones theme song-like guitar picking makes it feel even more powerful.

My most recently ended relationship with someone who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with is revered in one of the last verses that talks about how people saw us. As a political anti-capitalist person and an opponent to our current political state, it resonated even stronger.
“From afar we were a fortress
we looked so worn, so strong, and so safe
we saw* the walls between us
we built an institution of the state
we built an institution of the state”

The last 90 days of our relationship did feel like a prison. It was 90 days too many and while I know that many relationships can work through problems, this one could not be worked through. Farideh’s last verse almost makes me cry as I envision myself walking out of the prison of the relationship to breathe my first breath of freedom in too many days.
In the prison of our love
I did my time for you
now that time is up.
So you can watch me walk through
open the gates, take back my clothes
say goodbye to my cell mate and those
those 90 days in the prison of our love
those 90 days in the prison of our love.

The song can be heard here (Prison of our Love).

In truth, I feel badly about having these thoughts and feelings. However, I would feel even worse if I didn’t acknowledge them. I would like to honour what we had together and do that in my own way, but I can’t do that without being off the prison grounds.


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