SATC: No Reprive for Womyn

For years, I have been a Sex and the City (SATC) fan. YEARS. I have watched the series in its entirety about 10 times. Roommates have been subjected to episode after episode of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte… and an equal amount of discussion about relationships. People are often surprised by this because the show is known for it’s fashion content and element of shallowness. However, to me, it seemed that every relationship situation that every hetero woman (and some lesbian and bisexual women) had ever been in was discussed in SATC. I know that I could relate every time I was going through a tough break-up, an awesome beginning, or questioning how relationships work, and when I was contemplating the differences between men and women. When I heard that they were making a movie, years after the series ended, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait. I even counted down the days on my calendar.

When I saw it, I was numbed at first. Bewildered. Upset. Pissed right off. How could they do this to me, to us? How could they cram all the bullshit that SATC had been resisting down our throats? Some people were upset about how the characters were different and it just wasn’t the same as the tv show. This I don’t understand. I don’t understand why people have high expectations of tv shows-turned-movie. It just doesn’t work like that… it will always be different: they are two different mediums! However, my reasons for being upset at the movie was different. Mine had to do with the content.

SATC, the tv show, was cutting-edge when it came out – it still is! The way they analyzed relationships and talked about how men and women interact is like none other. I am still amazed at how clever the show is and how easily they mixed fabulous style with feminist tendencies to create these four characters that every woman can relate to somehow. However, the movie lost this edge. It was emotionally moving and I cried through almost the whole 90 minutes when I first saw it. Afterward, however, I was right angry. So fucking pissed off. How could they spoon-feed us what we see in every other “chick flick”?

*spoiler alert: do not read this next bit if you have not seen the movie, but want to and want to do that without knowing anything about it*
Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn you…

What upsets me the most in the movie is the relationship between Carrie and John. We don’t really see much of it, but it seems as though their tumultuous 6-year relationship settled into a nice rhythm that made both of them happy. It was great, but then Big does what Big always does and freaks out. He doesn’t talk to her about it (except for the day before the “Big day”). Apparently, John is just not self-aware enough to actually identify his emotions as they are happening – sound familiar? The movie only shows Carrie’s heartbreak and her miraculous recovery. Just when she has fully recovered he sweeps into her life, has sex with her, and marries her in just the way he wanted to in the first place.

Perhaps this hits a nerve with me because I am upset that men do this seemingly often, saying that they want what the woman wants, deciding that it’s not, and then using it as leverage against the woman to get their way in the end anyway. It’s a power trip. Whatever happened to communication, compromise, respect, and love? These things seem to get lost in our society’s idea of romance, love, and relationships. For these things to occur, self-awareness must be present. Both people must be able to actually identify their feelings (remember the episode where Miranda offers a medal to the guy who “correctly identifies a feeling”?). I believe the general lack of self-awareness of our society impedes our ability to have healthy, loving, respectful relationships. Thus, ensuring that new templates of what a relationship CAN look like are impossible. This, to me, is a problem.

Come on writers, directors, and whoever else made this film, we wanted something better than that. We wanted something new, cutting-edge, and brilliant like we have always wanted. We crave it. We need new templates!



  1. manupmen said,

    October 5, 2008 at 6:18 am

    I was really disappointed in the amount of bigotry in your post. Your statements about men are unacceptable generalizations. Hateful stuff.

  2. Crystal said,

    October 14, 2008 at 3:06 pm

    When I saw your comment awaiting moderation, I was surprised at what you have said. So I re-read my post thinking that maybe my emotions had gotten away from me and I had said things that had elements of bigotry in it. However, I think that the content in this post are negatively geared towards one man and one situation. I do believe that most of my generalizations are about relationships in general, which was my intention. I don’t think there are enough templates of healthy relationships out there and I will not take that back. Sorry if you disagree. It seems as though you took this very personally. Good luck with working that out. Peace.

  3. Crystal said,

    October 14, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    Ok, ok. I read it again. Maybe it was a little hostile toward men in general in one particular sentence. I stand by my feelings, thoughts, and writing. Always.

  4. manupmen said,

    October 15, 2008 at 12:42 am

    One should not stand by their writing always. That is simply bullheadedness.

  5. Crystal said,

    October 15, 2008 at 2:08 am

    Yes, I’m a bit stubborn. However, more to the point is that I stand by how I felt when I saw the movie and I really don’t think that I was a bigot or that I was hateful. You can choose to continue reading or you can move on. I will not tolerate such unnecessary comments on this, my personal public blog. If it struck a nerve with you, perhaps you should examine why it is that it did. I am not responsible for your reactions and nor shall I repent.

    “Out beyond the ideas of right-doing or wrong-doing there is a field – I’ll meet you there.” ~Jelaluddin Rumi

  6. manupmen said,

    October 15, 2008 at 4:34 am


    I did not realize you were a controller. Sorry. Thank you for permission to speak, and forgive me for disagreeing with your bigotry. Enjoy your intolerance.

  7. Angryviking said,

    October 15, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    Controller? Intolerance? Where the hell did that come from? I have read everything here and all I can see is a sustained attack on Crystal with a continual change in tactics and methods to drag it out. Agree to disagree if that’s what you want to do, it’s a free country last time I checked. Move on.

  8. Crystal said,

    October 15, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    Dear Mr. Man Up,

    I have to apologize to you. I didn’t realize that when you wrote your initial comment, it was aimed at yourself. I’m so sorry that I misunderstood your meaning. After reading your blog, which is makes many hateful, generalized, and statements about women and reeks of bigotry, I see now how you would be confused by the one sentence in this blog post and think that you were writing in your own blog.

    I am sending you healing energy so that you can heal the wounds that have left you the skeleton of a man that you could be. I wish you many positive encounters with both men and women to help you in your journey to self-healing.


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