Blog for Choice: Trust Women

Just a few days ago, I attended my last doula class of the 10-week course through a local doula business called Birth Rhythms here in Saskatoon. It has been in this course that I have learned so much about women and pregnancy. It has never been so clear to me that women have lost trust in themselves to make decisions for them and their bodies.

In the choice to have or not continue with a pregnancy, a woman must go through a process no matter what the circumstances. If a woman decides not to continue with her pregnancy, she and society needs to trust that she is doing the right thing for her. If the pregnancy is continued, the trust is even more compromised. It seems as though the medical system does not trust women’s bodies and it compromises women’s abilities to trust their bodies as well.

As a doula and a woman, I trust women to make the right choice for her no matter what the circumstance.

Getting Old

A few years back I got my first grey hair. I found it one day in my long dark-brown mass of hair on my head as I was brushing it. At first I was frightened by it. I wondered if I should dye my hair. I pondered that for a while and decided that I would not dye my hair, but embrace the fact that time continues on and I am getting older.

This August I turned 30. I have to admit that while I didn’t seem phased by it, I think I was affected by this closing of a tumultuous decade of my life. However, I have heard from a lot of people that the 30s are better than the 20s. I look forward to this.

When I saw a recent edition of The Current – Target Women hosted by Sarah Haskins, I knew that I wanted to spread this video around. It is just plain hilarious! Here it is:
You’re Old

Enjoy getting older!

SATC: No Reprive for Womyn

For years, I have been a Sex and the City (SATC) fan. YEARS. I have watched the series in its entirety about 10 times. Roommates have been subjected to episode after episode of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte… and an equal amount of discussion about relationships. People are often surprised by this because the show is known for it’s fashion content and element of shallowness. However, to me, it seemed that every relationship situation that every hetero woman (and some lesbian and bisexual women) had ever been in was discussed in SATC. I know that I could relate every time I was going through a tough break-up, an awesome beginning, or questioning how relationships work, and when I was contemplating the differences between men and women. When I heard that they were making a movie, years after the series ended, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait. I even counted down the days on my calendar.

When I saw it, I was numbed at first. Bewildered. Upset. Pissed right off. How could they do this to me, to us? How could they cram all the bullshit that SATC had been resisting down our throats? Some people were upset about how the characters were different and it just wasn’t the same as the tv show. This I don’t understand. I don’t understand why people have high expectations of tv shows-turned-movie. It just doesn’t work like that… it will always be different: they are two different mediums! However, my reasons for being upset at the movie was different. Mine had to do with the content.

SATC, the tv show, was cutting-edge when it came out – it still is! The way they analyzed relationships and talked about how men and women interact is like none other. I am still amazed at how clever the show is and how easily they mixed fabulous style with feminist tendencies to create these four characters that every woman can relate to somehow. However, the movie lost this edge. It was emotionally moving and I cried through almost the whole 90 minutes when I first saw it. Afterward, however, I was right angry. So fucking pissed off. How could they spoon-feed us what we see in every other “chick flick”?

*spoiler alert: do not read this next bit if you have not seen the movie, but want to and want to do that without knowing anything about it*
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Ok, don’t say I didn’t warn you…

What upsets me the most in the movie is the relationship between Carrie and John. We don’t really see much of it, but it seems as though their tumultuous 6-year relationship settled into a nice rhythm that made both of them happy. It was great, but then Big does what Big always does and freaks out. He doesn’t talk to her about it (except for the day before the “Big day”). Apparently, John is just not self-aware enough to actually identify his emotions as they are happening – sound familiar? The movie only shows Carrie’s heartbreak and her miraculous recovery. Just when she has fully recovered he sweeps into her life, has sex with her, and marries her in just the way he wanted to in the first place.

Perhaps this hits a nerve with me because I am upset that men do this seemingly often, saying that they want what the woman wants, deciding that it’s not, and then using it as leverage against the woman to get their way in the end anyway. It’s a power trip. Whatever happened to communication, compromise, respect, and love? These things seem to get lost in our society’s idea of romance, love, and relationships. For these things to occur, self-awareness must be present. Both people must be able to actually identify their feelings (remember the episode where Miranda offers a medal to the guy who “correctly identifies a feeling”?). I believe the general lack of self-awareness of our society impedes our ability to have healthy, loving, respectful relationships. Thus, ensuring that new templates of what a relationship CAN look like are impossible. This, to me, is a problem.

Come on writers, directors, and whoever else made this film, we wanted something better than that. We wanted something new, cutting-edge, and brilliant like we have always wanted. We crave it. We need new templates!