Blog for Choice: Trust Women

Just a few days ago, I attended my last doula class of the 10-week course through a local doula business called Birth Rhythms here in Saskatoon. It has been in this course that I have learned so much about women and pregnancy. It has never been so clear to me that women have lost trust in themselves to make decisions for them and their bodies.

In the choice to have or not continue with a pregnancy, a woman must go through a process no matter what the circumstances. If a woman decides not to continue with her pregnancy, she and society needs to trust that she is doing the right thing for her. If the pregnancy is continued, the trust is even more compromised. It seems as though the medical system does not trust women’s bodies and it compromises women’s abilities to trust their bodies as well.

As a doula and a woman, I trust women to make the right choice for her no matter what the circumstance.

Adventures of Fall and its Time of Changing

While thinking about all of the changes in my life this fall and every fall before it, I wondered if there have been any scientific studies on this seeming phenomenon.* It makes sense to me that as our environment makes a drastic change from lush green to shades of yellow and brown that people would change as well. The birds take off for the south, insects start to disappear into the crooks and crannies of our houses, the sun doesn’t fly so high in the sky, and the days begin to get shorter. It is also, a time of harvesting the fruits of the growing season and mentally preparing for, or avoiding thinking about, winter. In addition to this, for many years of our lives we spend this time of year starting a new school year. Whether it be nature, nurture, or a bit of both, fall is a time of change.

While going through my personal break-up, it seems that loneliness likes company and whether it be subconsciously on purpose or by accident, it seems that there are many people in my life faced with this heart-wrenching life change. I like to take note of things like themes in life. This fall seems to have two themes for me in terms of changes: one being said break-ups, the other being babies.

Break-ups are a very difficult life change, as I am so incredibly aware of right now, and one often goes through the commonly believed five stages of grief, as if someone had died: disbelief, yearning/bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. These don’t necessarily occur in a linear or even logical order. I almost consider myself an “expert” on breaking up, but I know one thing for sure: I will get over it and so will all of the people I know going through this particular life change. Rencently, a friend of mine brought my attention to a word/movement/book/website called Quirkyalone:

Quirkyalone noun/adj. A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple.

A Digression:
I thought this was a fitting concept and I even took the quiz, which I scored very high on. This brings up an interesting dichotomy, though, about people being Quirkyalone or not Quirkyalone. Of course, Quirkyalone people can turn into “Quirkytogether” people, who are in a relationship. For the past few days, I have been mentally thinking about where people that I know fit and what makes someone not be Quirkyalone. Personally, I somewhat dislike and question dichotomies, even though it can make life seem so much easier and boring if things were just black and white, due to one particular Women and Gender Studies class I took in university. That being said, there must be some people in the middle that waiver between Quirkyalone and not Quirkyalone (can you tell that I just watched the Sex and the City about freaks where Carrie goes on a non-date?). Honestly, to put someone into a category of Quirkyalone or not Quirkyalone would be very judgmental of me and I am practicing the art of not judging others by what I see or know as a truth. In that case, Quirkyalone is a concept to make one feel better who is alone and perhaps feeling a bit “older” in order to justify his/her relationship status.

Back on Track:
What does this have to do with people surrounding my life having babies? Well, nothing I suppose other than the fact that it seems to be coming up a lot. I know several people who have recently given birth to precious beings and have discovered the pregnancy of just as many. I do realize that I am at an age where more and more people are having babies. So maybe that is the base of it, but I do wonder if there isn’t some sort of seasonal change impact on people starting to cuddle up on a cool, romantic fall evening. The stars seem to shine brighter in the fall than the summer. Perhaps it’s cosmic! Or extraterrestrial!

Maybe all of this is just one big coincidence, but it sure does make me wonder how everyone will settle into these changes and a long winter ahead.

* I could not find any studies on this topic, but will continue to look into it.