I am 363 months old

I was thinking today about how when we are babies, we measure our age in months… sometimes in weeks! Even after 1-year-old, children are measured in months. Of course this is because each month is a significant time of development.

I was thinking, though, about how it would be if we celebrated our monthly birthday. Of course, it would make annual birthdays a little less special, but I wonder if it would make us feel more special and significant to be on this earth. Maybe it would make people understand how our individual and collective impacts on the world are significant. Perhaps it would change how we view the world, our relationships, our families, our friends, and our interactions with each other.

Right now I am 30 years and (almost) 3 months old. Sometimes I do think that each month I develop in some significant way. Of course, not every 30 + 3 month-old person develops this way… we all develop differently. However, it is a potential that some people choose to develop at the age they are and others are in that same place. I don’t even know if this makes sense right now to others, but it has really made me stop and think about it.

I can’t help but¬†wonder what I will learn by my 30 + 6 month birthday.

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Poetry…

Sometimes a good poem at the right time can just make one’s day. This made my day today:

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
– Wendell Berry

The Necessary DIY Tool: YouTube!

Last year I bought a house and what comes along with any house are home improvements. They are inherently¬† part of the whole deal. Last fall I built a fence and it was a bit of a ridiculous scene. There were lots of physical and theoretical road blocks and I wished that I had someone to just come and show me what I needed to do. The fence eventually got built, thanks to a couple of friends that helped me out. I couldn’t help but wonder, though, if there wasn’t an easier way. In fact, I was sure there had to be!

I have noticed lately, though, how many people are using YouTube to find out how to do things like yard improvements. In fact, I just looked up “build a fence,” the cause of so much unnecessary stress for a couple of weeks, and it brought me to this video all about the tools needed and a step-by-step guide to building a fence. It would have been good to know about 8 months ago, but it’s good to know it’s out there anyway! And now I’m sharing it with all of you.

It seems that if you want to do ANYTHING, you can find out how to do it on YouTube. Any songs that I learn on guitar have been from internet sites. However, today I found several videos on how to play “Imagine” by John Lennon. I guess what surprises me the most is not that these videos exist, but how great the quality is! It also seems that people just love to share their knowledge!

I wonder how this will impact the world in general. I mean, if anyone can find out how to do anything from YouTube in step-by-step ways, will it impact construction companies, plumbers, landscapers, or other related industries? It probably won’t because most people have more money than time. In terms of my life, where I have more time than money these days, this new-to-me tool has become extremely handy. Well, I’m off to learn how to shingle my roof!

Move on womyn… HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

This post is all about dating. To be honest, there is no way that I could write about all of my dating experiences in one sitting, which is the time it takes for most of my blog postings. However, I have been contemplating a lot about relationships lately. In particular, I have been contemplating the beginning of relationships. Even more specifically, I have been contemplating the concept of “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

I have dated for quite a few years now and while I’m no Carrie Bradshaw (although, really, aren’t all us women a little bit Carrie Bradshaw?), I have “found” men through various scenarios: fix-ups, through mutual friends, randomly, and, most recently, through online dating. Online dating brings a whole new dimension to the world of dating. My latest “round” of online dating (I am a bit of a come-and-goer with the online dating thing) has been a bit different than in the past. My last relationship was one that I thought was going to be “forever” and I have since decided that I would not “settle” for anything less than finding someone who, in the words of a very wise and dear friend, “appreciates me perfectly.” Her exact phrasing was, “It’s not about finding the perfect man, it’s about finding the man who appreciates you perfectly.” It turns out that appreciation is worth a lot to me, as I have also recently discovered.

As my love life has progressed and I have yet to find a man who even remotely appreciates me perfectly, I have discovered that I am, as mentioned in previous blog posts, QuirkyAlone. In other words, I’d rather be single than be in a relationship that does not fulfill me and encourage me to be my own quirky, awesome self. It seems that as I have become pickier, my pickings have become slimmer. I remember a time in my younger days when the red flags didn’t seem to matter. Now, however, a guy has to work pretty hard to get past my initial lines. It’s called self-protection, I suppose.

This brings me to my most recent re-discovery. In my attempt to figure out the “signals” of the aforementioned person from the online dating site that I have went on a couple of dates with, I have become more intrigued by the concept of “he’s just not that into me.” Despite my wishes for otherwise, it seems as though this person is what I like to call a “write-off.” It’s just not worth the effort and energy to dissect his every word and lack of phone call. In the recent past, I would have held out for a glimmer of hope because “he said he’d call.” In the movie brilliantly entitled “He’s Just not that Into You,” the main character (ie. a woman) makes endless excuses as to why a particular guy wouldn’t call or why he would do what he did – this is called bargaining. It all came down to the fact that “he’s just not that into you.” Even a couple of weeks ago, I claimed that this concept was making me “paranoid” and I couldn’t trust myself or my feelings, when in fact it was an actuality. I think that as more women become aware of this concept, dating will be much different.

The truth is that most women are actually very hopeful and positive when seeing a guy as a potential date. We think that there is potential for every guy that we date. With guys it seems to be very different: either he is or he isn’t into me. Apparently it is very easy to spot: essentially, I will know when a guy is into me. The tricky part is knowing when he isn’t into me. Apparently there are no mixed signals and no confused feelings. In the words of Jack Berger from SATC, “If he’s into you, he’s coming up, meeting or no meeting. He’s booking the next date.” In the words of the girls: “Uhhh… no mixed signals?!?” No mixed signals. Wow… brutal. No mixed signals, to repeat myself once more. Even though I have seen that episode about a hundred times and I’ve thought about it, it is hard to let it sink in. So if you are reading this and this concept is new to you, just sit here for a moment and let it sink in. There are no mixed signals. NONE. ZERO. ZILCH.
….
just letting it sink in…


All right, so now that we know this, we can move on. As I have already mentioned, the dating world will be much different with this concept out there and accessible to women. Women can now, along with having a job that pays ALMOST as much as a man, not wait at the phone for a man to call. I don’t think I’ve ever actually done that, but I have definitely done the ol’ “pick up phone, check for dial tone to make sure that the phone works, and hang up.” I have also spent more energy asking a fellow girlfriend “Why hasn’t he called?” than I am comfortable with. NO MORE! That energy can be put elsewhere. To men reading this: if you are “kinda” into a girl, but aren’t quite sure about it… you can now be sure that she is not waiting for your call, even though that probably didn’t even occur to you.

I have come to the loose conclusion that online dating is a crap-shoot and it’s definitely not for me. I have had a few experiences with it and my experiences have taught me that online dating perpetuates game-playing and shallow, short-term relationships (even though I do have some friends that have had successful online dating stories). The best way to meet a significant other, in my opinion, is still to meet organically in a place that you hang out, through friends, and even randomly at a bar. At least that way you know that he/she gets out of the house!

Good luck out there.

I’m a Womyn and I’m POLITICAL. Deal with it.

I have certain political tendencies. The upcoming elections in both Canada and the USA are a little overwhelming, but it is necessary to be part of the whole thing. So I am going to use this post as a place where I can keep track of the websites and links I keep having set in my lap. I will put a link on the side to this post.

This is an awesome video of American celebrities talking about voting in the American election, but is definitely transferrable to the Canadian election:

The Beyond Factory Farming Coalition asked a bunch of questions to the different parties. The Conservatives have not answered and the Bloc’s answers were translated into English from their French answers. It can be found here.

This is a website about how there are, literally, 100 reasons not to vote for Stephen Haper!

There is a collective of people from across Canada, who do not want Stephen Harper to be the Prime Minister again. They are called Not My Prime Minister.

The environment is a huge concern of mine. I really like this website called Vote for the Environment.

Update: October 29, 2008
With another election down and everything being basically the same, I can’t say I’m surprised, but I am a little disappointed. Here is a good article on the reason for electoral reform. It is very frustrating to rarely vote for a winning candidate (I have only voted once for someone who won). The candidate in my riding lost by a mere 253 votes, but as it is so poignantly clear, there is no conciliation prize for coming in second. There is no difference between second and 7th (there were 7 candidates in my riding). Alas, the show much go one. I will just hope that our next election within two years goes differently than this one. Maybe one day, we will have proportional representation, which this country so desperately needs.

This is a work in progress…

Biking in the Full Moon

The energy on the day of a full moon is always so intense. I became a moon watcher when I started riding my bike at night the fall after I biked to PEI. It seemed I was always biking at night and so I started noticing the moon more and more. Now I am a moon watcher. I keep track of my cycle in comparison to the moon and I keep track of behaviors around the moon. It is all very interesting. The ebb and flow, waxing and waning of the moon affects every person, whether we know it or not.

When I lived on 15th Street, I used to bike in the “tree park” at night all the time. I would purposely turn off my bike light so that the only light for me to ride by was the light of the moon. It was always spectacular and felt like I was flying. In the winter, the moonlight off the snow would make it glow as if it was day. I have not had many revelations while biking in the moonlight, but it always feels special. It feels significant, like something is about to happen – something exciting and life-altering. It is exhilarating and scary all at the same time.

Today, my full moon adventure was more about a change in energy in my day-to-day activities. Everything just “felt” different. Perhaps it’s also because of the big change in my personal life, but I don’t believe that it all happened coincidentally at the same time. Two men in my life are hurting right now because of choices I made. One is my dog, Clifford, who got neutered today. It was the saddest thing to pick him up from the vet and see him so sulky. He barely even wagged his tail. Now, because he is a “licker,” despite the bitter spray they put on the sutures, he has to wear one of those degrading cones around his head. When he runs into the wall, he stops and looks like he is about to give up on life. I have never seen him so depressed in the 4 months that we have been together. I am sure that he will pull out of it and be back to his fun-loving self in no time.